Happy New Year everyone! While looking through my posts from the last two years or so I noticed a disturbing trend: I make a lot of plans but they often if not most of the time don’t work out as planned. This also usually leads to me lamenting about this fact on my blog. Sigh…
In most cases my plans are way too ambitious or I am not fully committed to the project. Motivation is also a huge problem most of the time. Even though my depression isn’t as bad as it was some years ago, it’s still there and always lurking just under the surface – waiting for a chance to strike when I am the weakest. It usually punishes me when I am most excited about something like the roleplaying game project I wrote about last time.
I am at the point where I have been so many times. I start a project, work on it enthusiastically for a while and then the doubts creep in. The result: I scrap the whole thing and feel bad about it. I guess my therapist would have a few words to tell me about this behavior. Luckily I don’t have a therapist at the moment. At the moment I can’t change things and I am not sure if I even want to. It’s fun working on new projects even if they don’t turn out as planned.
The work I invested into “The Stargazer’s Legacy” (fitting name for a project that I’ll probably never finish) is not lost. The material I’ve written, the things I’ve learned can still be used in future projects. The only thing I need to stop is feeling bad about myself. Hey, failing is part of life, isn’t it?
So what are my plans for 2024? I don’t know for sure, but I’ll definitely start many new projects and perhaps I won’t feel as bad as before if I don’t finish them.
